The Truth about Lying

When children are little, their imaginations can be a wonderful ‘playground’. They can make-believe to their heart’s content. Unfortunately, if not kept in check, it can also be fertile ground to confuse their little minds as to what is truth and what is not. There is no doubt that the child’s parents are the best interceder to ensure they properly learn the distinction.

It is primarily within the home environment that children need to learn the difference between right and wrong and to always tell the truth. Parents are the first defense to make sure this happens. It is one thing to allow them to believe in Santa Claus and the tooth fairy when they are little; it is quite another to hide the truth when they ‘become of age’ and start asking questions. The real answer to teaching children the difference between truth and a lie starts in the home with the parents setting the example.

Again, it should come as no surprise that little children will make things up. It is within their fertile imagination to create a ‘virtual world’. But the parent that pays attention when their child’s imagination begins to take the form of reality, is in the best position to ‘head it off at the pass’ by letting their small child know the difference between make believe and reality.

If parents wait until the child is older, stopping their propensity to lie will become a harder task to perform. An older child or adolescent may begin lying in order to cover up a wrong they did and, once this is allowed to grow, it will be much more difficult to stop. Parents need to act quickly to get on top of this situation by talking with their older child and explain why it is wrong to lie. Also help your child to see how much harder it will be to cover up the lie with more lies in order to not get caught.

There will also be incidences where lying may be considered okay because it will keep someone’s feelings from getting hurt. It may also be a way of hiding being hurt by saying something like ‘no, I’m okay’ when they are not. It may be that a close friend has sworn them to secrecy and, in order to ‘fit in’, they hold back the truth. This is an equivalent of telling a lie without saying anything.

It is imperative that parents establish a line of communication with their children when they are young and to always be available should their children want to talk about anything. As a result, many situations involving lies can be thwarted before they can get started. Another point to make is that parents be the proper role models for their children to follow; they should always set the example and not tell lies; and, if they do tell a lie to admit it and apologize. Clear consequences should be shown to children when it comes to lying.

Another cause of lying is in the area of pride. Sometimes children may not feel they measure up to their peers or parent’s expectations. It may be in the area of getting good grades or excelling in a sport. If this or other reasons are cause for stress or low self esteem, it is possible that the child will lie to cover up this insecurity. Parents need to allow children to be who they are and not place unreasonable expectations on them.

It is a fact that children who otherwise appear responsible may fall into a pattern of lying as a way of handling rejection or low self-esteem. These children are not necessarily looking for ways to lie; they just think there is no other option if they are going to cope with the perceived demands placed on them by their peers or family. As a result, they tell these lies in order to receive the attention they think they would not get if the truth were known.

As much as parents try to explain to their children the need to tell the truth, some may not be that easily reached; there may be a need for professional counseling. If this is the case, be sure you as their parents are with them every step of the way. You will ultimately be key to them getting the counseling they need and then reinforcing what they are taught so they can get on top of their habit of lying. To teach your children the truth about lying is of utmost importance if you want them to grow into happy, secure adults.