Parenting Skills: Do As I Say and Not As I Do

There is a saying that goes something like this: “do as I say, not as I do”. Well, it more accurately can be stated thusly: “children do as you say up to a certain age and then they do what you do”. This is an important thing to keep in mind when desiring to shape a child into what they will one day become.

The old ‘monkey see, monkey do’ can be applied here when it comes to a young child watching their parents and then imitating them through their own actions. From the time they are born until the age of five, they are constantly exposed to their immediate family members. It is during these formative years that much of who they are emerges by means of their limited world around them that is called home. Early on, they are watching you, taking into their minds every little thing you do and say. That is why it is important to establish their environment to be a positive influence.

You will need to carefully observe your own behavior around your children as well; they will pick up on who you are and what you do or say very quickly. Many of your examples will impact the rest of their lives, so it is important to set the best example you can for your children.

One of the ways they learn from you is the way in which you show care and compassion to your spouse, parents or other family members and friends. Whether you are caring and compassionate or aloof and uncaring, your children will pick up on these attitudes and quite possibly make them their own. Also, how you handle mistakes you make can have great influence on your children. It is vital that you be honest that you are not perfect and that you do make mistakes. Never attempt to control them by setting a double standard; that is to say you can ‘get away’ with something but they can’t. They will see right through this, or even mimic it by seeing it for what it is: hypocrisy.

Another potential double standard could be in the arena of personal responsibility. By taking good care of yourself, you show your children the need to take good care of themselves. First and foremost, your family relies on you for protection and to provide for their general well being. If you are unwilling to take care of yourself, you may be letting your family down as well as setting a bad example. But, by teaching through example the fact that we are also important as individuals, they will learn to take better care of themselves for their own sakes, as well as for others. It is needful that your child develops a healthy self esteem and this is one way that that will be accomplished.

By maintaining a consistent pattern of positive, balanced examples, your children have an excellent chance of growing into strong, healthy adults themselves, well able to provide for their offspring a safe, secure home environment in which to grow as well, not falling into the ‘do as I say’ mindset.