Parenting Skills: Are You Over Involved in Your Child’s Life?

Any parent worth their salt cares deeply about their child. There isn’t anything they wouldn’t do to make sure their child has the very best. This includes being involved in every aspect of their lives. It is a known fact that children who have parents that are a big part of their lives have a higher level of worth and esteem. But, can a parent become over involved in their child’s life?

Even though there is no harm done when parents are intimately involved in their children’s life early on, it could have a detrimental effect on the child as they become older. For example, when the child is little, there was no problem having them hold your hand when crossing the street. But, as they age, they become more independent minded and balk at holding your hand anymore. The fact is, they are growing up.

There comes a time in every parent’s life that they need to begin giving their child ‘some space’. There are many reasons for this; from the need of them fending for themselves to the peer pressure that can change the way they perceive your involvement in their life. You will need to know when those come and act accordingly.

It is hard to imagine that, before you know it, they will go from you putting them in their car seat to them putting themselves in the driver’s seat, but it happens all too quickly! Hard as it is, you need to allow them to ‘grow up’ and that may mean giving them some distance. They will need some space and privacy at one time they didn’t need. It is okay; they are just going through what you did growing up; developing their own skills, abilities and perceptions as to what life is all about. It is in these moments you need to let go and trust that you did a good job raising them and that they will make good choices.

That does not mean you are no longer around. It just means you will now need to be available should they need you. When those times come, make sure you don’t try to run their lives; they may not continue to ask your opinion if you do that. You need to let them make the decisions; you’re there to help them do just that without telling them what they should do. Keep in mind, you once went through the same thing and you turned out okay, right?

Finally, make the concerted effort to be around without being overbearing. There will be times when they will want to talk and those will be opportunities for you to encourage them without doing it for them. They are growing up and need to make those decisions for themselves. If they don’t want to talk about it, don’t force the issue. Just let them know you care and love them and, whenever they are ready, you are there for them. It may be tearing you up inside but part of growing up is allowing your child to find his or her own way through life. If you have done a good job up to this point, it will turn out just fine.