Communication Is Key With Your Child

Does this sound like a typical day in your household?

•   “Come on, get up, you’re going to be late!”
•   “Hurry up and eat your breakfast; you’re going to miss the bus!”
•   “Don’t forget to brush your teeth.”
Then, when child arrives home, the note reads:
•   “Hi; I have to work over. Be home soon; have a snack and get started on your homework. I’ll be home by five; be ready for me to drive you to your practice.”

Then, when arriving home from work:

• “Come on, it’s late. I have to run some errands after dropping you off. I’ll pick you up at the end of your lesson.”
Finally, at the end of the day:
• “Okay, it’s time for bed. Get a good night’s sleep; busy day tomorrow!”

With life seeming so much busier today and fewer stay at home parents, more and more children are becoming what are referred to as ‘latch key kids’. Even though we ‘communicate’ with them by means of either barking orders (go, go, go; move it, we’re going to be late) or through notes informing them of why we aren’t there when they get home, it is a fact that we don’t seem to be able to find the one on one ‘face time’ we all know is needed.

Well, even though this may be true, the fact is you do care about your relationship with your children. Hopefully, this article can help you find some of that personal one on one time that seems to be so lacking in our hurry up world today. Even if you can’t change your present circumstances, you can change the situation you find yourself in when it comes to carving out some time to spend with your family.

Often, our children grow up right before our eyes and, before we realize it, they are grown and gone. One statistic revealed that just 15 minutes a day spending time talking with your children (not barking out orders or saying UmmHmm) interacting greatly decreases the likelihood that they will be tempted to try drugs or take up smoking, etc. It is amazing how easy it can be to find that time; especially if it can make such a difference, right?

Here are some suggestions that may help you find that time that all too quickly slips away:

• Turn off those electronic distractions

Instead of allowing all those electronic marvels to come between family members, consider turning them off and communicating with each other. It may seem awkward or uncomfortable at first, but it will be worth the effort. This can be accomplished while getting ready to start the day by having breakfast together. You can talk about what the day holds for each member and allow some input from each other. If you find yourself hitting the snooze button, let it be a reminder that you are trading a little more shut eye for yourself to get in the way of interacting with your family.

• Captured audience in the car

Whenever ‘taxiing’ family in the car, leave the radio off and talk. Strike up a conversation by asking questions that will encourage others to enter the conversation. Just as you need to show genuine interest in other’s lives, don’t let them off the hook with a simple grunt or shrug of the shoulders.

It is always easier to establish a line of communication when the children are younger. If this is you, begin the conversation like this: “Tell me at least five things about your day today”. And, when you get them to answer, listen; really listen and then interact with their responses. Even if your children are older, it is never too late to strike up a conversation. Children are very wise when it comes to whether you really mean it or not. By truly interacting with your child, no matter the age, they will know it and eventually respond.

The fact is, it has never been easy growing up for kids. If you stop and think for a minute, you will know this to be true. It was for you and it is for them. Just as you needed someone to talk to when you were going through hard times, it is no different with your children today. If you think back on how hard it was for you to talk about some of the feelings you had with others, you will realize it is the same for your children as well. Help them to verbalize to you what is going through their heads by being a really good listener.

• Here’s another great idea you can start, because it’s never too late.

If your life is genuinely busy at the moment but you see the need to begin talking with your child, consider the other form of communication: written (like what you are currently reading!). Start by getting a spiral notebook that will serve as your Parent/Child Journal.

Commit yourself to set the example by writing something like:

•   Parent has to write what happened in his/her day, activities, work, thoughts, concerns, etc.
•   Give it to child before bedtime.
•   Child then takes it, reads it, then adds his/her own journal entry about how their day went.
•   Parent has it back before he leaves or starts his day.
•   Repeat daily.

For many, it’s a lot easier to write down thoughts and feelings than to have one on one verbal communication. You must, not should, keep or initiate those lines of communication with your children. It’s not optional. That is a basic need of all humans; they want to be heard, and they want to know that someone cares about them.

Finally, for goodness sakes, don’t beat yourself up if the lines of communicate between you and your child haven’t been the best up to this point. Start today fresh and get talking!